getting teary

I've been a performer of sorts since I danced as a toddler with a monkey to the music box of it's handler in a park and people threw money at us. It wasn't a profession, just something I must have felt like doing, unprompted. Throughout my life I have gravitated to opportunities to perform; acting, singing, whatever! I even took the opportunity to dance in a ballet at my daughter's recital when they invited the parents to be in a ballet number. Yes, my 30 something body in a leotard, tights, and tutu was not a repulsive idea to me. I was in heaven. One of my things to do before death was to dance with children. I did it and it felt like a dream come true.

Anyway, my point is, my children have grown up watching me do this. So when my 9 year old's school was getting a talent show together she wanted to be a part of it. She tried to get a friend to do a dance number with her but they couldn't agree on a song. She thought of doing a number with her brother (which they do at home to our delight) but thought the other kids would think that was weird. How early they become attuned to social stigmas. Eventually she decided to be part of a large group number with not much to learn but still getting a chance to be in the thing.
She thought the movements were too simple but she went along and, I think, had a great time.

I just got back from the said talent show and have to note that during the finale, when all the kids came out as an older child sang "It's The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, I got teary eyed, inspite of myself. I used to get teary all the time, when the kids were little little and we would watch Disney movies. At any little sentimental idea, I would get teary eyed. I have toughened up a great deal since then and do not consider myself so sentimental anymore. On numerous occasions I had decided that the tendency to be overly emotional about fiction just wasn't reasonable, healthy, realistic or helpful. It just sets one up for disappointment and folly. Life is
not a romantic comedy. But this morning, as all those children starting walking up to the front of the room, the energy of their sheer numbers and youth woke up this tired heart. I started singing along, "It ain't about how fast I get there, it ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's the climb."

Just this morning, as I brushed my teeth along side my children before taking them to school, I thought how much I preferred their company than to almost any other kind of people. I love how simple life is through their eyes, uncluttered by heartache and disappointment that comes just from living long enough. Seeing all those children, at the very start of their climb, yes, this tired heart stirred and I got teary, barely, just enough to remember.