Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Everyday they come
These thoughts are incessant, really, which depending on which set of thoughts can be good or not so good. My dear Auntie Charing is hard of hearing and when she lived with us it seemed that being so is not such a bad thing. That's only because her thoughts which she had for company were a good sort of bunch. Our thoughts are constant companions, are they not? So, choose carefully your friends..........
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Work that saves us.
The nature of work can be elusive in our day and place. My daughter wants to earn money to buy
a hand held game system. While I was at work she did various chores on a list I had made for her before I left. By the time I got back home she had earned $10. I am very proud of her! Just a week ago I was fretting over how to keep the kids busy while I taught a yoga class here and there. We had a serious conversation - which was actually me speaking with great emotion - telling them that I need to work so we can have the basic things and they need to help out and avoid idleness. It actually seemed to work. My kids are good. When I catch myself coddling them - wanting to spare them the work - I have to stop myself. That's my mom's approach, but it doesn't have to be mine. Since I stopped seeing work as a punishment we have all been a lot happier. I am blessed to do something I love for work for just a few hours a week and to have such great kids who are learning to embrace the principle of work in their own lives. Work can save us and we ought to be grateful for the opportunity to work.
a hand held game system. While I was at work she did various chores on a list I had made for her before I left. By the time I got back home she had earned $10. I am very proud of her! Just a week ago I was fretting over how to keep the kids busy while I taught a yoga class here and there. We had a serious conversation - which was actually me speaking with great emotion - telling them that I need to work so we can have the basic things and they need to help out and avoid idleness. It actually seemed to work. My kids are good. When I catch myself coddling them - wanting to spare them the work - I have to stop myself. That's my mom's approach, but it doesn't have to be mine. Since I stopped seeing work as a punishment we have all been a lot happier. I am blessed to do something I love for work for just a few hours a week and to have such great kids who are learning to embrace the principle of work in their own lives. Work can save us and we ought to be grateful for the opportunity to work.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Do it anyway
I feel a little off today. Trying to figure out why. Also trying to decided if it's important. I really feel like cocooning myself in bed with a book and some food. But I am teaching a yoga class and need to leave the kids. That might be wearing me out - the coming and going. Amanda has a root canal this afternoon after I get back. I would rather take the kids swimming at our neighbor's pool. So, what is really going on is, freedom vs got-to-do's. Some things we have to do anyway, no matter how we feel.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
It's my birthday today.
Today is my birthday. How do I feel? I feel pretty good, considering. The good thing is I don't need as much. I remember earlier birthdays feeling like it really needed to be a special day. We had to go somewhere, do something interesting, etc. Tonight we are having a picnic in our backyard. Sandwiches that we make ourselves with all the healthy fixings I like and kettle potato chips, unusual juices, fresh fruit. My #1 daughter is going to make a chocolate cake - out of the box - but I also have fresh strawberrys - great combination.
As I cleaned the patio table and positioned the chair cushions I thought about how my Auntie Charing celebrated her birthday. To her, a birthday was not a day to get, it was a day to give. She is an elderly widow who worked hard to support her family and lives very humbly. She came to this country a few years ago to take care of her aging father. She never owned her own home. She took care of my other Aunt's brain damaged son from an infant till his death as a young adult while his mother came to the United States to raise her other three children. This child was in a vegetative state. Auntie Charing's loving, warm tending to my cousin impressed me and still does. It touches my heart even as I think about it at this moment.
She came to live with us for awhile. She stayed in the same room with my mom. One year, at her birthday, she insisted on taking our whole family out to dinner. On her meager income she treated US on HER birthday. And she was completely and utterly happy doing it. She just beamed as we sat around the table having dinner. It was like magic.
I want to learn that kind of magic - the kind that allows a person to be completely and utterly happy while giving. Today I start by giving to my family on my birthday.
As I cleaned the patio table and positioned the chair cushions I thought about how my Auntie Charing celebrated her birthday. To her, a birthday was not a day to get, it was a day to give. She is an elderly widow who worked hard to support her family and lives very humbly. She came to this country a few years ago to take care of her aging father. She never owned her own home. She took care of my other Aunt's brain damaged son from an infant till his death as a young adult while his mother came to the United States to raise her other three children. This child was in a vegetative state. Auntie Charing's loving, warm tending to my cousin impressed me and still does. It touches my heart even as I think about it at this moment.
She came to live with us for awhile. She stayed in the same room with my mom. One year, at her birthday, she insisted on taking our whole family out to dinner. On her meager income she treated US on HER birthday. And she was completely and utterly happy doing it. She just beamed as we sat around the table having dinner. It was like magic.
I want to learn that kind of magic - the kind that allows a person to be completely and utterly happy while giving. Today I start by giving to my family on my birthday.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Again, something new.
A few times now, in this forum, I have revealed lessons learned that I had not supposed before. Tonight I learned yet another. My daughter (9yrs old) had a bad tootache. She was screaming ( as an emotional release) crying and even laughing at her predicament - tremendous pain in her mouth which vibrated throughout her whole body and no dentist in office to be consulted. As she sat next to me at dinner, writhing in pain, I had my arm around her, trying to comfort as best I could.
My mother sat next to us. She said in her native tongue something to the effect that when she was a child, if she or any of her siblings were in pain, they were scolded, and she marveled that I would even try to soothe. I had heard her say similar comments before. But tonight, it occurred to me that this explains a great deal about the difficulties in our relationship
I have tried repeatedly to have an affectionate relationship with my mom. It seems when we get "close" we fall apart. I had finally decided that my mom cannot handle my affection. It throws her off. So I have kept a distance while still doing my best to help her along. At times I have felt guilty about this deliberate withdrawal but tonight I have become convinced that it was the appropriate thing to do. Mom really does feel more comfortable at arms length away. More importantly, I do not need to feel guilty. How she is has nothing to do with me.
I was intuitively correct in keeping a distance. I have even come to understand this choice as respect for who she is. I accept. It's all right. We have reached an equilibrium, however less than ideal, it is peaceful. Peaceful is good.
My mother sat next to us. She said in her native tongue something to the effect that when she was a child, if she or any of her siblings were in pain, they were scolded, and she marveled that I would even try to soothe. I had heard her say similar comments before. But tonight, it occurred to me that this explains a great deal about the difficulties in our relationship
I have tried repeatedly to have an affectionate relationship with my mom. It seems when we get "close" we fall apart. I had finally decided that my mom cannot handle my affection. It throws her off. So I have kept a distance while still doing my best to help her along. At times I have felt guilty about this deliberate withdrawal but tonight I have become convinced that it was the appropriate thing to do. Mom really does feel more comfortable at arms length away. More importantly, I do not need to feel guilty. How she is has nothing to do with me.
I was intuitively correct in keeping a distance. I have even come to understand this choice as respect for who she is. I accept. It's all right. We have reached an equilibrium, however less than ideal, it is peaceful. Peaceful is good.
An idea
If my family reads this, and I don't think they do, they would be concerned about the idea I am about to share. I am in a quiet kitchen, my big kids are asleep at 9:13am. I am remembering kids in a distant continent who rise early to help provide for the family. My mother's own stories of selling gleaned sweet potatoes, among a myriad of other stories, swirling in my mind.
My idea is to plan a family activity where we work to earn our meals for the day. I am kind of excited.
My idea is to plan a family activity where we work to earn our meals for the day. I am kind of excited.
Summer
Today is the last day of school for my two elementary age children. For the past few weeks I have been thinking and planning how to organize a household of people through the summer. There are nine people in my house when we are all home. There is my husband, myself, my mom, 25yr old son, 18yr old daughter, 15yr old daughter, 9 yr old daughter, 7yr old son and a 30yr old nephew. We have two dogs and a bird. The bird I have to think the least about.
Out of all these people, only my husband leaves in the morning for a full time job. You can imagine my challenge. Honestly, it would be simpler going to work and having one specific focus. My job is more than full time and all over the place. I need a way to reign it all in. I want order and peace above all. How to accomplish this?
Early this morning I was thinking about this. I have a few ideas. Small daily chores for everyone. I am trying to figure out mealtimes. There are some activities like beach day Wednesdays, library Fridays and possibly movie Mondays. But my concern is keeping the house clean and people productive. Idleness and filthiness are not ingredients for peace and happiness. But how to corral so many different individuals into such an existence without fighting?
I decided that I need a super-structure, a large scale system to channel lives. I prayed for one. The gospel is such a structure -family prayer, church attendance. In my yoga teaching I teach within a super-structure. The students are all different and I have to encourage and guide without force. I certainly can learn to do that at home. My family then, is my yoga class. There are different types of people, I need to modify for some and challenge others. But we all need to function within the super-structure ( such as the yoga poses and philosophy are the super-structure for the yoga class).
In order to be a good yoga teacher I know that I need to keep up with my own practice then share that with my students as I teach them. This is the same in my family. In order to guide them through a productive and purposeful life, I need to live one myself.
Out of all these people, only my husband leaves in the morning for a full time job. You can imagine my challenge. Honestly, it would be simpler going to work and having one specific focus. My job is more than full time and all over the place. I need a way to reign it all in. I want order and peace above all. How to accomplish this?
Early this morning I was thinking about this. I have a few ideas. Small daily chores for everyone. I am trying to figure out mealtimes. There are some activities like beach day Wednesdays, library Fridays and possibly movie Mondays. But my concern is keeping the house clean and people productive. Idleness and filthiness are not ingredients for peace and happiness. But how to corral so many different individuals into such an existence without fighting?
I decided that I need a super-structure, a large scale system to channel lives. I prayed for one. The gospel is such a structure -family prayer, church attendance. In my yoga teaching I teach within a super-structure. The students are all different and I have to encourage and guide without force. I certainly can learn to do that at home. My family then, is my yoga class. There are different types of people, I need to modify for some and challenge others. But we all need to function within the super-structure ( such as the yoga poses and philosophy are the super-structure for the yoga class).
In order to be a good yoga teacher I know that I need to keep up with my own practice then share that with my students as I teach them. This is the same in my family. In order to guide them through a productive and purposeful life, I need to live one myself.
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